


With The Lights on

by Shell_Boi



Category: No Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Feelings, Gen, I wrote this instead of cutting myself, i don't really care, mental breakdowns, painful, self harm??, so idk be happy with the results, sorta??, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-03-07 23:41:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13445880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shell_Boi/pseuds/Shell_Boi
Summary: Gavin went to sleep with the lights on. He doesn't know how to take care of himself.





	With The Lights on

**Author's Note:**

> Idk man... This is just something I want to put out there. I feel mentally numb and drained all the time. And I write shitty poetry so I don't self harm. This is some of it.

Gavin went to sleep with the lights on. He couldn't even get out of bed to turn them off. So he slept with the brightness burning into the room around him. It was quiet, as if it were a normal night with the lights off, but he could see his whole room when he woke up.  
     The mess on top of his desk. The clothes spilling from his closet. The cords tangled by the foot of his bed. It was all so painfully visible. So awfully painfully visible. He couldn't turn them off.  
     Gavin went to school with the lights on. It was darker when he left, but the sun rose during his commute, and he was faced with the brightness burning into the world around him. It was quiet. Soft ambience from vehicles and wind brushed through the air around him as if it we're a normal night, with the sun down, but he could see the whole world when he looked up.  
     He could see the snow half melted, slush running through the streets lazily. The trees swaying blissfully, rocking in the wind like a cradle. The houses rushing by without pause, causing the gap between him and safety to widen. So painfully detailed. So awfully painfully detailed. He couldn't stop seeing.  
     Gavin went to class with the lights on. He couldn't turn them off without getting in trouble. So he sat with the flourescents burning into his eyes. It was hushed, like a normal class, as it always is, but he could see every detail when he looked up.  
     He could see the other students watching and learning. His friends whispering from their seats next to each other. His teacher droning on about something he already learned. So normal. So awfully painfully normal. But he knew they wouldn't get the way he felt.  
     Gavin went home with the lights on. It was the same as before. Like it had been all day. But when he got home, he could turn them off, shutting down the light that burned his brain into submission. It was quiet now. The scurrying of rats looking for their owner the only ambient noise. He set down his bag and fell towards his bed.  
     He couldn't see the mess on his desk. The clothes spilling out from his closet. The tangled up wires at the foot of his bed. It was all gone with the muted light. The small rays breaking the veil of a curtain. He was tired. So painfully tired. So awfully painfully tired. 

     He was numb when the lights turned off. 

     He was happy when the lights turned off. 

     He was free when the lights turned off. 

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**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry.


End file.
